Who does that?

I was reading this blog yesterday and this woman had an incredibly moving story to tell.  I will condense it for you.

Here she is, single, pregnant and in her early 20's.  She was living in a house rented with several friends.  She had a decent job.  Her immediate situation wasn't ideal but at least she had it under control.  But her future was a little uncertain.  So a few months into her pregnancy, one of her brothers calls her to say that him and Dad have discussed it and they decided that she is going to move into an extra room in their Dad's house.  And her sis-in-law was going to get her a job at the bank she worked at.  She felt like she had no choice but to accept this scenario for the long term.  So she would move into said brothers house while this room in the dad's house was getting "fixed up" for her.  2 mos later she is still at the brothers house.  She is suspecting something is wrong.  Turns out, the Dad never actually discussed this plan w/ his live in girlfriend and she is def NOT down with it.  At the same time, said brothers wife is starting to get major attitude w/ her living there.  So in the end, the brothers wife kicks her out and she can't stay w/ the Dad.  She ends up bouncing from couch to couch for the remainder of her pregnancy.  Eventually wearing out her stay everywhere she goes.  Because really, who wants a single mom w/ a newborn living in their living room?  One of those couches was her own mothers.  So now it's time to have the baby, her mother drives her to the hospital.  Well, she described it as her mother "dropped her off" at the hospital and took off.  The Mom comes to visit them later on and says to the daughter "You know you can't stay at my house, right?"  So here is this woman, homeless and in the hospital with a newborn.  She literally has nowhere to bring this newborn to when she gets discharged.  She is terrified.  And eventually, it came down to the kindness of a stranger that changed her life.  She was taken in by a local church family for a year.

The original story was posted in two, VERY LONG, posts and all I can think to myself the whole time is "who does this?" "who are these people?"  I don't think I've ever even known people like this.  My family was certainly not like this.

Now, I realize this is only her side of the story and I have no details on what lead up to all these people showing absolutely no support for her.  But man, my heart was breaking for her.  I even teared up a couple of times.

In her story she expressed how disappointed she was in two of her brothers who wouldn't take her in b/c their wives were not willing to help her out.  I do not agree with this.  When you're married, that person is your family now.  It causes major problems in a relationship when someone puts parent/sibling family over spouse/children family.  Really, she can't blame the brothers.  I mean, it would've been nice if the brothers were in a situation where they could have helped out but really it wasn't their responsibility.  However, as far as the brothers go, I hope they reflected on what type of women they married.  How could you respect your partner knowing that they would let your sister be homeless with a newborn rather than put their own selfishness/pettiness aside to help her out?  I don't think I could.  Let me tell you, I haven't spoken to my sister in 10 years but if she ever showed up on my doorstep with a newborn in hand and nowhere else to go, she would most definitely have a bed to sleep in!  Because you just don't do that.

As far as the mother goes, HOLY FUCK!!  Excuse my language.  Here is your pregnant daughter that is living on your couch.  You see what she is going through.  Terrified, alone.  You can't even give the girl a break?  Like I said, I don't know what happened in that relationship in the past, but, wow, I don't think I could ever do that either.  Be so callous and uncaring for my own child.  Even if you think she royally fucked up, GET OVER IT!  She needs your help now.  Wow, how different my life would be if I had a mother like that.

Now I am NOT one for being or supporting moochers.  And I think it can be a FINE LINE between helping someone get back on their feet and letting them mooch off you.  But if you read the story, the girl just needed a break.  She wasn't trying to mooch off anyone, she just needed some help.  I moved out of my parents house when I was 20 years old.  I never went back and I never asked them for money.  Not that I can recall at least :)  I just don't believe in not making your own way in life.

Well, anyway, this story just really touched me and I wanted to give my opinion about it.  I feel so thankful for my semi-normal family and I know that not a one of them would ever leave me out in the cold.

RIGHT??

Stuff, stuff and more stuff

My kids are obsessed with stuff.  With having stuff.  Getting stuff.  And buying stuff.  Every commercial they see, they want it.  Every catalog we get in the mail, they want it.  My kids have gone so far as to point out something totally weird or random in a catalog and ask for it.  I ask them "do you even know what that is?"  "no."  "but you want it?"  "yes."  What is with this feeling of wanting more and more stuff?  They totally don't realize yet that there is such a thing as too much stuff.  Stuff is overrunning our house. 

Once or twice a year I have to make it a point to get rid of stuff.  And yet, stuff is still everywhere.  It never goes away.

My kids ask for stuff and most of the time sometimes they get it.  My kids don't ask for stuff and they still get stuff.  I dream of the day when I get to get rid of all this stuff.

My daughter is like a little pack rat.  She makes multiple art projects at school daily.  I cannot keep all this stuff!  But if she sees me trying to throw one of her papers away she gets all panicky and has to take it from me and put it in her room.  So now her room is full of stuff as well.

I know there is some stuff that really makes me them happy.  Like clean sheets and cozy blankets to crawl in at night.  But Happy Meal toys?  Having 8 Zhu Zhu pets as opposed to just one or two?  Is this really necessary?

Liam has spent every dime he got for his birthday on Beyblades.  EVERY DIME.  One or two wasn't enough.  Now he has 8.

Now with Christmas coming up.  Good Lord.  I'm going to have to buy another house just to keep all their stuff in it.

I often wonder, does any or all of this stuff really make them happy?

And I totally feel that I am dropping the ball on instilling any type of gratitude in them for how lucky and fortunate they are in life.  They rarely have to earn their stuff.  They just get their stuff.  As if Santa visits our house everyday.

Tell me, what are some things you guys do to make your kids "earn" their stuff?

No longer a virgin...

to being a Black Friday shopper!!!!!  Oh, you thought I was talking about the other thing??  Um, yeah...

Anywho... I did it!  I went shopping on Black Friday.  However, I was not one of those crazy 3am shoppers.  I went at 6am.  I went to Walmart and Kohl's, only because of their proximity to each other.  And I had a Kohl's coupon.  I got some OK deals.  Pajamas and sweatshirts and some games for the kids.  All for under $5 each.  I was kind of hoping to snag one of those $89 Nintendo DS Lites from Walmart but the Black Friday gods did not smile upon me for that one.  I know, that's one of the deals that you can ONLY get at 3am.  But I'm OK with that.  I don't really need one.

My best deal of the day was some towels for the kids.  You know the ones where they look like a butterfly or a little monster for less than $7.  Nothing really to write home about.  But at least I can now say that I've been shopping on BF.  Today happens to be Cyber Monday... I'm going to spend my morning trying to find who has the best deal on Zhu Zhu's!

Oh, kinda funny story about the word virgin... Liam was asking Joe the other day about all our zodiac signs.  So Joe said that Jill and I were Virgos and Liam asked what the symbol for Virgo was.  So I said "it's the virgin".  Liam says, "what's a virgin?"  Joe and I just look at each other and Joe blurts out "it's someone who's pure of spirit".  Ha ha, good one Joe.

Holy Overload!

WOW, the amount of email I receive on a daily basis right now about black friday sales is overwhelming!  I have NEVER done Black Friday in my life.  However, this year I was considering it.  But how the heck do I know where to go?  I see that CVS is having a BOGO offer on Zhu Zhu's on Thursday.  But wait!, Big Lots is having a $4 Zhu Zhu sale on Friday for rewards members!  Is it worth it to wait to save $1?  Oh, and by the way, I already bought my kids a Zhu Zhu each back in JULY when CVS was having a Buy 2 Zhu Zhu's get a free armor sale.  So really, they don't need anymore.  But it's so tempting.  The deal is ssoooo good.  And for some reason I feel like I NEED to get more Zhu Zhu's.  Perhaps this is the retailers intention?

Now retailers open earlier or start their sales a day in advance.  A lot of stores are open ON Thanksgiving offering special sales just for those people that are willing to shop ON Thanksgiving.  There are online deals that are different from in store deals.  Don't forget about the sales leading up to the sales on Black Friday.  And the coupons, oh the coupons!  I can see how this Black Friday thing can make people absolutely crazy!  It is information overload.  AAAAAHHHHHHHHH, how do I know what the best deal is??????????

I just don't know if I can handle this.  I'm feeling the equivalent of "shrinkage" right now.  I'm just scared to go to the wrong place and get the wrong deal.  Because God help me, if I go shopping at 3am and find out that I could have saved myself $1 by not cooking my kids a bountiful Thanksgiving meal to go shopping for toys that they don't even need anyway, I'm gonna go postal on someone...

Happy Thaksgiving everyone!  And happy Black Friday shopping to those who dare.

I just LOVE stupid people...

In Target today.  3 out of the 25 lanes are open.  Two women in line in front of me, each separate.

First lady sees that second lady has teeny weeny baby shoes on the belt.  "Oh, aren't these precious?  You know, I'm going for a hysterectomy next Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving.  I have one child already, she's 16.  But I always wanted another baby."  REALLY lady, everyone in line needed to know that about you?  So now it's her turn to pay.  She doesn't even open her purse until the register lady is standing there looking at her.  "OH, I guess it would be good if I got my card out!  OMG, where's my bank card??!!  I just had it earlier when I got gas.  {searching... searching... searching...} OH, there it is!"  And for some reason it takes her another 5 min to pack up her crap and walk away.  BLURG!

Second lady is a little more on the ball.  As she is swiping her card the register lady gives her mandatory "would you like to save 10% by opening a Target charge account today?" speech, the lady starts literally huffing and puffing "I don't even know what that is".  At least she barely spoke English and she was probably just confused by what the lady was asking her.  She's half excused.

There is at least ONE instance a day where I wonder how people make it through their lives.  Because you know, I'm perfect ;)

Holidays

This has been such a weird holiday season so far.  I feel like so many people just aren't into it this year.  Including me.  Starting with Halloween.  And now Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving is usually MY holiday.  It is hosted at my house every year.  Usually up to 13 people show up.  It has been my fave holiday since I was a kid.  But this year, I just don't feel that into it and have been trying to get out of it.  I suggested to dear hubby that we spend this Thanksgiving in **GASP** - a restaurant!  I have NEVER EVER spent Thanksgiving in a restaurant.  But since we were down to only 2 or 3 people coming over this year I don't feel like putting that much effort into it.  But now, those people have canceled.  So now we are free to eat wherever we want.

And here's another weird thing.  I can't wait to get our Christmas tree this year!  Usually this is a major chore that I don't want anything to do with.  I want to get it a whole week earlier then we have in previous years.  I think it's because I just cannot wait to hang my ornaments.  I love opening them all up every year and reflecting on who/how/when I got each one.  And this year I got a new ornament from Pier 1 (the Mary and baby).  I LOVE these ornaments!  I only have 1 other like this one.  It is from 2000.  I have vowed to add to my collection every year from now on.  You should read the history of Li Bien.  It is very interesting.  They make GREAT Secret Santa gifts!

Knowing, that I'll be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with just my little family, I feel grateful for all the years I've been able to spend the holidays with extended family.  You never know what life changes are going to come each year that will prevent people from spending time together.  Be thankful for the times you were able to be together.  Geez, I am getting really corny in my old age.

And to all my family I don't usually get to see around the holidays - I love you.  I miss you.

Dreaming of IKEA...

I have been wanting to go to my local IKEA store for probably at least a year.  I have in my head that I want a whole day to explore the 293k+ square foot location.  With no children.  I feel bad taking a Saturday or Sunday to go b/c these are usually the only days I get to be with my kids all day.  Then there are times when I just don't need anything or kind of forget about it for months at a time.  So tomorrow I have off.  For the past two days I have been browsing the website and decided that I just NEED to get some new window treatments.

So I have my whole plan down.  Meeting a friend for coffee after I drop Jill off at school, then off to IKEA!  With no children!  Maybe a little swedish meatball platter for lunch.  Sounds like a GREAT day off, right?

So I pick up Liam from school today and the first thing out of his mouth, "Mom, you're coming to my classroom tomorrow, right?"  Blurg.  Last week I told his teacher I wanted to volunteer in the classroom since I had the day off.  Because last week that's what I wanted to do with my day off.  But then I totally forgot about it.  So, I'm trying to feel Liam out as to whether or not he would actually care if I didn't go to his classroom.  It went like this:

"So, Liam, I was kind of thinking of not going to your classroom tomorrow."
"Why?"
"Because I was going to do something else."
"What?"
"Go shopping."
"No.  You can do that after school."

Ha ha, so there you have it folks.  I can't disappoint the kid.  He actually wants me in his classroom.  Which is so super cute.

I have a few more days off coming up so I guess there will be other opportunities.  DAMN YOU IKEA, so close yet so far away you are!