Heartbroken

I don't think I told you guys the story of how we told the kids that Joe was going to be moving out.  Joe and I had been stressing for weeks over this conversation.  We thought there would be crying and freaking out and hystericalness (and not just on my part).  So we open the conversation with "well, you know how daddy has been living in the guest bedroom for a while now?  well, daddy is going to be moving out and getting his own apt now."  {looks of confusion, blank stares} "you're still going to be living with both of us, just separately now"  {looks of confusion, blank stares}  "what's going on with daddy and I has nothing to do with you guys, we still love you guys very much.  we just can't fix our problems right now"  {looks of confusion, blank stares}  Joe chimes in, "my apt has a pool"  The kids:  "can we go right now?  is there a deep end?  can i jump in the deep end?"  By the end Joe and I just looked at each other like, did we just mess that up?  How do they not even care?  I had a stomach ache for two weeks even thinking of this conversation and they seem totally fine.

Over the past few weeks EVERYONE has been asking me "so how are the kids taking it?"  And all I can say is "they seem to be doing fine".  I mean, there have been a few comments here and there from them.  But for the most part they have not been all that verbal about what they are going through.  I constantly ask them how they are.  Let them know they can talk to me if they want to talk about their feelings about the situation.  Nothing.  Not a peep.  We've just been living life like normal.

This am we had a conference with Liam's teacher.  She says he's been doing all his work and passing everything but that he's slacking off a bit.  Not motivated.  Not focused.  Not participating as much.  She's really "noticed a change in him the past few weeks".  She's concerned that he could "slip" in his progress if we don't light a fire under his ass.  Ugh, sinking feeling in my stomach.  At this point, we haven't told his teacher about the situation.  And all I can think to myself is "you really need to tell her what's going on at home".  But she was talking, the kids are sitting right there and it is just all around awkward to bring it up.  So I don't say anything.  So we finish the conference and as we're walking out the door she says to me "Liam told me about what's going with you guys."  So apparently, it's weighing on him enough that he is reaching out to people that are NOT us.  Which is OK with me.  As long as he feels comfortable enough to speak to someone about it.

Ugh, I feel so bad for him.  I really wish he didn't have to go through this.  It just breaks my heart into a million pieces that our problems have to affect him.  It just breaks my heart into a million pieces to know that I am the cause of stress in his life right now.  He didn't ask for any of this.  I feel like I'm totally failing at life motherhood right now.  Where is Charlie Sheen when I need him?