Ugh. That's all I got today.

I remember when I was a kid and my dad was still drinking.  My mom had been in recovery for years and still lived with an alcoholic.  She lived and died by her Al-Anon meetings.  Then she had the brilliant idea that my sister and I should be forced be gently nudged to attend Al-Ateen meetings.  Meetings specifically designed for the children of alcoholic parents.  I know she meant well and was just trying to do the best she could.  But, I HATED these meetings more than anything in life and I refused to participate.  After a few months, I think she got the hint and stopped making me go.  But this, is still, my general feeling about therapy.

I hate it so bad.  I am so extremely angry and discouraged after a session.  I just don't see how it's helping anything.  It's just a lot of finger pointing and blaming.  "well, if you didn't act like this, then I wouldn't act like that..." and "you always treat me like..."  the same things we've said over and over.  It just reiterates that Joe just does not understand me.  He hears the words coming out of my mouth but he's just not "getting it".  And I guess I'm not getting him either.  I feel like we're talking in circles and it's extremely frustrating.  It's just one big vicious cycle.  Just when I felt like I moved into a "comfortable" emotional place, this ruins it all.  I feel like I'm approaching manic again.

But don't get me wrong, I go and I participate.  Fully.  Joe says it helps him and it will eventually help "us".  I mean, is this the point?  To be so angry and feel such hopelessness?  How is this helping?  Is it just too early to tell at this point?