10 yrs ago...

I got the phone call that you had taken your last breath.  There were so many people in the room with you.  I remember there was a curtain in your room that separated the waiting area from the bed you were lying in.  I was scared to cross it.  I didn't want to see you dead.  I'm so terrified of death.  It took me over an hour to cross that curtain.  You suffered for so long that it was a relief that you were finally in peace again.

I won't bother filling you in on the last 10 yrs.  I know, you've been keeping an eye on all of us.  Some good things, some bad things.  Just life.  These last 10 yrs seem to have gone by in the blink of an eye.

I was cleaning out my closet the other day and I came across a bunch of photos.  I glanced at a few.  They were mostly from when we first moved to FL.  It was good to see your face again.  Miss you...

2 years ago today...

My husband started the first conversation we'd had in 6 weeks with, "I want to separate".  Ouch.  2 years.  Wow.  In some ways it seems a lot longer than that.  In some ways it seems a lot shorter.  There's been a lot of ups and downs over these past 2 years.  But in this new year there will finally be closure.  Joe and I will be filing for divorce soon.  It's a relief, it's sad, it's scary - all at the same time.  Although I've been living apart from him for almost 2 years now, the fact that we were still married was a bit of safety net for me.  There was still "that chance".  There was still "hope".  Divorce is final.  There will be no more safety net.  I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this.  But I don't want to put them here.

I hope this divorce, in time, will bring us closure and peace and happiness.  I've always been extremely uncomfortable living in the limbo.

A new year, a new beginning.  Happy 2013 everyone.