Ireland

I mentioned a few times on this blog that I am going to Ireland this year.  This is how it happened...

My friend Andrea is turning 50 this year.  I mentioned to her that we should do "something big" for it!  I suggested London for a longish weekend.  She poo pooed my idea.  "I've already been to London."  Oh, ok, nevermind then.  Discussion over.  Then she comes to me a few weeks later and says "You know, I've been thinking about your trip idea and I want to do it now.  How about Amsterdam?  I've always wanted to go."  I said, "that sounds great.  I've never been out of the country so I'll go ANYWHERE!"  As I started researching Amsterdam she kept coming up with other ideas.  She finally said, "what about Ireland?  Yes, Ireland it is!"  So it was decided.  What Andrea wants, Andrea gets.

We booked our trip in March and we have been waiting patiently ever since.  We fly into Dublin, stay for 2 nights.  Drive over to Galway, stay for 2 nights.  Drive down to Limerick, stay for 2 nights.  Then back to Dublin for one night and fly out the next morning.  There are about a gazillion things on our to do list.  Hopefully, we'll actually accomplish most some of them.  The other day we were texting about the trip and I just had this wave of total excitedness come over me and texted her "WE'RE GOING TO BE PARTYING IN DUBLIN!!!!  AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"  Needless to say, we are both super excited for this trip.

I've been having stress dreams for months already about the trip.  It's always the day we have to leave, like our plan takes off in an hour, and I'm completely unpacked.  So I start to pack but I can't find anything I want to bring!  I've also had a few where Andrea has totally been "blah" about going.  In one dream, she suggested that if we missed our flight we could "always just to go Naples for the week".  I yelled at her "No, we're not going to fucking Naples for the week!  We're going to fucking Ireland, why are you not understanding HOW AWESOME THAT IS!!!!"  Anyone care to interpret?

It's a little bitter sweet for me though.  Ireland was a destination that Joe and I always talked about going to together.  Several years ago, we even looked into moving there!  Joe was researching the job market to see if he could get a job there.  I started looking into where we would live and how the education system worked.  Another one of our plans we just never followed up on.  I imagined our kids growing up with cute little Irish accents.  Oh well, I guess it was for the best.

Erin go bragh, y'all!

My little drama queen

I took Jill to the dr this morning and she cried hysterically over the finger prick for the iron test. Immediately after that she got a shot. She didn't even wince. Sometimes I just don't get her. Jillian has always been hyper sensitive to pain. She must get that from Joe because she certainly doesn't get it from me. Every little thing to her is the most painful thing in the world.

I bring this up because out of nowhere today I suggested to her that we go get her ears pierced for her birthday. She said her usual "well, I want to but it's going to hurt." After going back and forth she just gets all hysterical about the whole thing but says through her tears "ok, let's do it". Of course I'm thinking this is going to be WW3 of drama with her. But she was very calm while picking out her earrings. Climbing up into the chair. Letting the girl mark the dots on her ears. Then comes time for the piercing. 1st ear, she didn't even blink. 2nd ear, she said "ouch". That was it. No drama. No crying. She was so proud of herself for not crying! I think the two teenage girls standing by watching may have had something to do with her stoicness.

Sorry, I don't have a picture. I was bummed I forgot my camera. But don't worry, I won't forget it when she gets her second holes done.

Sometimes, I don't want to be the nice one

Sometimes, I want to treat (some) people the way they treat me.  Rude and thoughtless.  But I don't.  I won't.  Because, ultimately, it's just not how I am.  I would actually have to go out of my way to act in a way that is rude and thoughtless.  And in the end, I don't feel good about it.  Even if you did it to me first.  Am I actually teaching anyone anything by being rude and thoughtless back?  Am I teaching my children that this is an appropriate way of treating people?  They probably acted that way in the first place because that's just how they are.  They didn't have to go out of their way to be rude and thoughtless.  It just comes naturally for them.  Probably.  Speaking hypothetically...

In no way am I trying to say that I am perfect and I treat people perfectly all the time.  Of course I don't.

Sometimes, I want to tell people, "Fuck you, YOU don't get to treat ME like that!"  And I suppose sometimes I do.  After all, I don't treat YOU like that.  Do I?

Sometimes, I don't want to be accommodating or understanding or helpful.  Sometimes, I want to be a raving bitch who only looks out for myself.  Because sometimes, that's how I feel inside.  And I suppose sometimes I am.  I want to be the one that is accommodated, understood and taken care of.

Sometimes, I don't want to let things roll off me.  Pretend like nothing bothers me.  Go ahead, treat me like an asshole, because I'll just get over it.  And life will go on as usual.  Sometimes, I want to make a big fucking deal out of things that hurt me.  Because I deserve to let you know that I don't like how you treat absolute fucking strangers nicer than you treat me.

Sometimes, I don't want to forgive you for your completely insensitive behavior.  Let you off the hook.  Believe your excuse of "well, I just didn't realize".  But in the end, I always do, because I know you're just not capable of anything else.

Who, me?

My friend Cathy came into town a few weeks ago.  We only see each other once every few years when she comes to FL to visit.  She lives in MA.  We're friends on Facebook.  We met at work and pretty much became instant friends over 15 years ago.  We used to party together a lot.  We used to be roommates.

So as we're talking she says to me "Deb, you're one of those people in my life that I've always thought about."  I said, REALLY?!  She says " Oh yeah.  I just wonder how you're doing and what your life turned out like.  And hope you're OK."  I was really taken aback by this.  You see, I don't think of myself as a person that OTHER people think about.  A person that has made an impact to OTHER people.  A person that OTHER people remember for their whole lives.  Of course, I mean outside of my immediate family.

She went on to tell me about all the ways that I am that she used to wish she was.  We reminisced about all the fun times we've had.  She was genuinely upset to hear about Joe and I (I hadn't told her).  She said "But no, it's YOU and JOE!  Like it's always been YOU and JOE!"  I said, "I know!  That's how I used to feel about us too."  She knew both of us before we even started dating.

I mean, tons of people come in and out of our lives.  I have people that I knew for years but if someone were to ask me "whatever happened to so and so" or "have to talked to so and so recently?" I couldn't even remember their name.  And trust me, it's happened to me.  My memory is SO BAD!

I suppose I have a few of those people in my life also.  Those people that I don't have tons of contact with but always seem to think about them.  How they are.  Where they are.  What are they doing?  It made me feel really special to know that I am that to somebody...