I have never, in my life, witnessed someone with such a natural aversion to food other than Liam. He
hates food and he
hates to eat. Literally, since the day he was born he has been like this. It's weird. I remember our first day in the hospital together trying to feed him a bottle. I was having a very difficult time feeding him so the nurses showed me all these little tips and tricks to get "baby" to eat. I did them ALL. He would never latch on longer than a few sucks, then right back to sleep. After about 45 min of trying to feed him a nurse called from the nursery to check on how much he had eaten. I was so excited to tell her "he drank 1/2 an oz (out of a 2 oz bottle) of the bottle!", she said "that's not a good feeding". I said, "well it took me 45 min to get him to drink that much!" Over the years, it hasn't gotten much better than that. I would worry so much over his eating habits that I have actually cried over it. I have literally put him to bed on a growling stomach before because he would just absolutely refuse to eat. Ever. There was one point when he was 5th percentile on the weight chart. That means that 95% of children his age weighed more than him. He's still at least 10 lbs under weight. For the most part I have learned to just accept this about Liam, but it still freaks me out.
But there is also this strange phenomenon with him where he eats for other people! I remember my dad babysitting him one night and me saying "well, you know how he is with eating. If you could get him to eat
anything I would be happy". So I get home and my dad goes on to tell me he ate eggs and potatoes and whatever else. I cocked my head and said "Liam? Liam ate all that?" All foods I have made him before that he would never touch. But all of this was
mostly when he was younger. He's gotten a
little bit better since he's gotten older. At least now he will
mostly try new foods. But in most situations he first reaction to food or mealtime is NO! It really takes a lot of coaxing to get him in an eating mindset.
A lot of mealtimes turn into a big struggle with him. There are times he approaches near meltdown stage when faced with the fact that he has to eat.
Especially, I notice, when you suggest going OUT to eat with him. It starts with whining about how he doesn't want to stop whatever it is he is doing to go. Then there's always lots of discussion about where or what we'll be eating. That's almost
always an issue. The other day I wanted to take them out for tacos so I told him we were going to Tijuana Flats. Right away the "I don't want tacos! I don't want to go out to eat!" started. (I know he likes tacos just fine. It's not like I'm trying to force him to eat something he doesn't like!) Pissy face and attitude the WHOLE time in the car. "I'm not eating tacos! I only want nachos!" Fine, I order him nachos. But of course they're not the
right kind of nachos he wants. So whining and complaining starts all over again. After a few minutes of him getting himself into eating mode he notices how awesome my tacos look and says "I don't want these nachos. I want a taco." I just gave him an evil death stare. There are definitely times when he just refuses to eat anything from a restaurant and will just sit there and wait until we get home to eat (or not). I always wonder what the waitress thinks when I have to say "oh, he's not eating". It is a literal feat when Liam actually
finishes a meal. It's a very rare thing. A lot of times a white bread sandwich is too much food for him and he just can't finish it.
I tried the "making" him eat thing. But that's very stressful for him (and for me). I mean, who can eat when they're stressed and fighting with someone and down right pissed off? (I know I can't!) And, also, I just don't believe in it. Liam has to listen to his body and what it is telling him. (even when I don't understand it) MAKING someone eat when they don't WANT to is pure torture. And, honestly, I just don't have the follow through to stay on his ass for potentially hours to get him to finish ONE meal. It never worked very well. So now I just pull the "I'm not making you anything else to eat" and/or "If you don't eat your dinner you're not getting any junk food" card. 99% of the time that is just fine with him and he'll walk away.
I spent years catering to his food whims. Making a separate meal just
for him. Bringing McDonalds into a restaurant so Joe and I could eat in
peace (yes, we have really done that). But I don't do that stuff
anymore. He's just getting too old for that. It's unrealistic of me to keep up that ruse for him. He has to make the decision for himself to start venturing out and trying new foods. And if he doesn't, that's OK too. Somehow what he does actually eat sustains his life. He eats what I make or he doesn't eat. Or he makes himself something. That's our new rule.
I read in one of those baby books many years ago that as a parent it's your responsibility to
offer your child a healthy and nutritious meal, NOT make them eat it. Now, I actually try to live by that. But Liam tries to give me the guilt trip when HE chooses not to eat. "If I starve to death it will be YOUR fault!" "No Liam, it will be YOUR fault. I offered you food, YOU chose not to eat it." And, yes, we have actually had that conversation.
I asked him the other day when he was being difficult about eating, "Liam, why do you hate eating so much?". He said, "I don't know." Not, "Mom, I don't hate eating" or "Mom, I just don't like this food", but instead, "I don't know". So he knows. It's an actual thing with him.
To me, eating is one of the most natural human instincts. Like breathing and craving chicken wings. This feeding your kids thing should be easy. What's next? Is he going to tell me he refuses to breathe!?
