I guess it was nice while it lasted

Remember a few weeks ago how I bragged how I was sleeping much better?  Yeah, I shouldn't have put that out in the universe like that.  That bitch took care of that real quick.  I was on vacation last week and I had the worst week of sleep ever.  The night before Thanksgiving I don't think I ever even actually fell asleep.  Insomnia is a horrible thing.  All you want to do is sleep.  You're so tired.  But you just can't.  Your thoughts race from one strange thing to another.  You're looking at the clock every hour.  The next day you're like a zombie.  Your body can barely move and your eyes burn.  And don't forget those lovely dark, puffy circles under your eyes.  You wish life would stop for a just a little bit so you can recover.  But it doesn't.  There's still work, and homework and cooking dinner to get done.  And you do it all again the next day. Lovely, isn't it?

Next time I'll know better than to jinx myself like that.  I guess there's time for sleeping when I'm dead.

Here's one for you universe.  I want to be a millionaire.  I'm putting it out there.  Make it happen.

One Day

One day there will be no more mementos of our love or life together in our house.  I've already started removing them.
One day "our" house will no longer exist.  It is already broken.
One day I will refer to you as my "ex".  But for now I still call you my husband.
One day I will refer to you as "my first husband".  My "starter" husband.  Or possibly even, my "first ex-husband"?
One day the only reason we will speak to each other will be because we have kids together.
One day our kids won't even remember when we were together.
One day we will be in love with other people.
But I honestly hope the day never comes where we don't look back and remember a time when we were hopeful and totally crazy about each other and so in love.  Because that is still how I remember us.  Our beautiful kids will always be a reminder of that time.

Single, once again

So it turns out that dating Joe just doesn't work for me.  For one, he wasn't trying very hard.  Joe said he still isn't "feeling" it and he certainly let it show.  I just wish he would've told me he wasn't feeling it.  But that would've involved communicating, so obviously, it was just better that he didn't say anything to me, let me feel like an idiot for weeks thinking we were "trying" to work on it, get frustrated when the "working on it" wasn't working very well then make me guess and pull teeth to get him admit to me that he's just not feeling it.  Second, I can never look at him as my boyfriend ever again.  It doesn't work like that.  At least not for me.  He's my husband, not my boyfriend.  He can never be my boyfriend again. We've moved beyond ever being casual with each other.  So I'm moving on.  And told him to do the same.

So lately, I've been wondering how the hell I am ever going to want to put up with someone else's shit crazy  ever again.  The thought of learning all about someone else's crazy is just crazy.  It was easy when I was in my early 20's with no kids and no true responsibilities.  But it's not like that anymore.  I think I'm more picky now.  And have more requirements.

It's been a very long time since I've dated.  I think I am definitely going to have some deal breakers.  What if he wants to have a conversation with me before my morning coffee?  What if he wants me to **GASP** go to a college football game?  Or watch it on TV!?  Or go to a Jimmy Buffet concert?  OMG, you guys, what if he is in love with Disney characters or going to Disney World or something?  Yikes, I just don't know how I'm going to do this.  Is it inappropriate to ask a guy on the first date if he has ever mowed a lawn before?  And no, that's not a sexual innuendo.

How am I ever going to feeling truly comfortable with someone else ever again?  The thought of being comfortable enough with someone else to let them see all of my gray hair, see me with no make up on, or see me in my PJ's until 3pm because I got sucked into an all day Scrubs marathon through Netflix is certainly daunting.  But I guess it will happen.  It happens for other people.

Coming up on my blog... Scenes from the dating world...