Nesting

There is something about traveling that makes me want to nest.  I cleaned the bathroom the other day and I decided that the shower curtain needed to be washed.  Was it dirty?  No.  But it's super clean now.  Then I noticed some dust on the wall.  Obviously, every wall in the bathroom needed to be wiped from top to bottom.  Did some dishes in the kitchen that led to wiping down the counter, which led to wiping down the toaster over, which led to wiping down the toaster, which led to cleaning INSIDE the stove burners, which led to running the clean cycle on the oven, which led to cleaning the entire microwave.

I was in the garage yesterday and the amount of toys on the floor was completely annoying me.  I grabbed the broom, swept them all up and in the garbage they went.  Ahh, I felt much better after that.

I've also been purging.  Packed 2 bags of clothes for donation just from MY closet.  Got rid of shoes that are over 10 yrs old/worn out/or just plain ugly.  Why in the world was I keeping them?  I don't know but I wanted them GONE.  They were just taking up too much space.  No room for you ugly worn out shoes!

Unfortunately, nothing gets me motivated enough to mop floors :(

That annoying MOM

I'm going to be that annoying MOM and brag about how my kid made the honor roll!  And you'll never guess which one... LIAM!!  (Albeit, it was the "B" honor roll) This is a big deal people!  Two A's on this report card.  He's never gotten an A on a report card before.  This is a big deal people!  Now I know how "those" parents feel.  Those ones with the bumper stickers on their cars.

So proud of all your hard work Liam!  Keep rocking the 4th grade kid.

Somebody that I never knew

There's this song on the radio called "Somebody That I Used to Know".  I remember first hearing it, thinking, WOW, this is so fitting to me and Joe.  (Now and then I think of when we were together... Told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company)  Two people that were once "in love" but now, nothing.  (You could be addicted to a certain kind of sadness...)  I remember when we first split how it just felt like more of a relief than a tragedy.  Finally, out of that unhappy situation.  But I was addicted to that unhappiness.  I just thought that's what you did for "the one you love".  But then the weeks went on and panic started to set in.  Holy shit, this is real.  My husband doesn't want to be with me anymore.  And how incredibly hurtful it was the way he ignored me when he moved out. (But you didn't have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and that we were nothing.  I don't even need your love but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough)  Like I was nobody.  Meant nothing at all.  (Now you're just somebody that I used to know...)

But as time still goes on, I actually feel like he's someone I never knew at all.  How could you spend so many years with the same person and not know them?  Who is this person that said he loved me?  Who is this person that looked me in my eyes and promised to be my husband and to be my partner in life?  Who is this person that just walked away so easily?  I have no idea.  I've come to realize that my own husband doesn't actually like me as a human being.  He may "love" me for nostalgic reasons but he doesn't actually like me.  And yes, that is actually a thing.  Loving someone, but not liking them as a human being.  It hurts.  I wonder for how long he lived like that.  How many years he had to "endure" living and being with me?  Now I wonder if I actually liked him.  Actually, I can remember periods of time when I didn't like him at all.  In hindsight, I can now see that that's why he was emotionally disconnected from me.  He didn't like me.  When you don't like someone you don't go out of your way to do nice things for them.  You don't try to communicate and make things better.  I wonder who didn't like who first?  Was each of us just reacting to the other ones dislike of each other?  Maybe.  It's probably a combination of 100 different things.  If it was mutual, why is it so painful?  I supposed we'll never know.