The lies we tell, Part 2

So, with this being said, I lie.  I do.  I suppose they could be considered fibs.  Little lies.   I notice I fib lie to my kids the most.  From little things like, "mom, do you know where so and so toy is?"  And I tell them, "no, I have no idea where that toy is."  Meanwhile, I know I threw that toy out like 3 days ago.  But sometimes the lies get a little bigger.  A while ago I answered my cell and Jill heard me say "Hey Babe", it was the guy I was seeing.  Right away Jill had to ask "who did you just call babe?"  I said "my friend".  She asked what my friends name is.  I said "Lisa".  "Do I know Lisa?", she asked.  "No", I replied.  "Why would you call your friend babe?  And, where are you going with Lisa?"  "To the movies."  (word for word this is the exact conversation we had*)  And so it spirals.  I don't like lying to my kids but for now this is the way it is.  I suppose this falls under the "covering my ass" clause in my theory of why people lie, reason #2.

Back in December, in an attempt to be transparent, I mentioned to Joe I was seeing someone.  He did not take the news very well.  Part of the reason I even told him is because I thought we were done.  I also wanted to stop hiding it.  Perhaps, start introducing this new person into my daily life.  Apparently, Joe had something else going on in his own mind that was completely unbeknownst to me.  Anyway, I digress.  I bring this up because I have also had to fib lie to Joe about where/how I'm spending my time.  Mostly, when I need him to pick up the kids early on a weekend or from school.  It's hard for me to tell Joe I need him to pick up the kids from school because I'm going to happy hour with my boyfriend.  Cowardly of me, yes.  I know that would hurt his feelings.  He'll probably have questions that I don't want to answer.  Or give me the silent treatment for a week.  Which isn't very fair of me considering the hell I gave him at the beginning of the separation about being honest with me.  And he told me a lot of things that were probably very hard for him to tell me.  But our situation then and our situation now is completely different.  See what I did there?  Justifying my lying.  Reason #1, telling a lie because it's what I think he wants to hear.  And maybe a little bit of #2, avoiding the hurt.

The moral of this post?  I'M JUST A BIG 'OL HYPOCRITE AND YOU SHOULDN'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY.


*Side story - as part of this conversation Jill says to me "Can I tell Daddy that you called someone babe?"  I told her no.  But she doesn't really understand why.  I had to explain to her that me and Daddy live very separate lives now and Daddy doesn't need to know everything that I do anymore.  It's all a very difficult concept to teach/accept.

The lies we tell, Part 1

I'm not a person that believes in lying.  I believe that when you lie to someone you actually take away that person's ability to make an informed decision about whatever the situation may be.  Scenario #1:

Husband to wife:  "Are you cheating on me?"
Wife's response:  "Of course not baby, I love you!"

Wife is lying.  So husband goes on with his merry little life, albeit, with a gut feeling that something just isn't right, but - HEY, I trust my wife, I know she wouldn't lie to me.  He decides to believe her and move on with their life together.  His decision to sweep his suspicions under the rug for the sake of love and trust are based on a lie.  Does Scenario #1 make him look like a stupid fool?  Yes, yes it does.  Wife has taken away his ability to make an informed decision about his own life.   <------- That's not a very nice wifey :(

Scenario #2:


Husband to wife:  "Are you cheating on me?"
Wife's response:  "Yes, my darling husband, I have been unfaithful to you."

Wife is telling the truth.  Husband is devastated.  The truth hurts like hell.  He decides to stay and work it out because he loves her.  His decision to stay with his wife for the sake of love and trust is based on the truth.  Does Scenario #2 make him look like a stupid fool?  Well maybe to some people.  But mostly he looks like a guy that loves a girl and doesn't want to lose her.  Wife has given him the ability to make an informed decision about his own life.   <------- That's a much nicer wifey :)

See the difference there?  I believe there are 2 main reasons why people lie.  #1 - they lie because they think that whatever their lying about is what the other person wants to hear.  #2 - they lie because it's hard as hell to look someone you love in the face and hurt them with the truth (being cowardly and covering your own ass are accounted for under #2).

In Scenario #1, wife lied because she thought husband wanted to hear that she wasn't cheating.  Because, obviously, he will leave me if he knows the truth!  Obviously, he won't love me anymore!  Obviously, I have to admit that I'm not a perfect person and I make mistakes!

In Scenario #2, husband could have decided to walk away.  But I guess that's the chance you take when you cheat in the first place.  But that's never what he wanted.  He just wants to love his wife and have her love him back.

The moral of this post?  DON'T DO STUPID SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO LIE ABOUT IT LATER!

Meeting people

So I seem to be struggling with "I just can't stand to be in this house by myself" syndrome again. It sort of went away for a while but it's been almost a year since Joe moved out.  I don't always have someone to go out with, especially during the week, so I go out by myself.  Often.  To the movies.  Out to lunch.  Shopping.  To bars (WAY too often).  I know, that's bad.  The lonely girl at the bar drinking by herself.  But I'm not usually alone for long.  For some reason, people want to talk to me.  Men, women, bartenders.  There MUST be something written ALL OVER MY FACE that says "please come talk to me".  Someone told me once it's because I'm always smiling.  Could you imagine that?  ME, always smiling?? 

It is ALWAYS my intention to go for "just two beers" or "leave by 9".  But then I start talking to people.  And those 2 beers turn into 5.  9pm turns into 12am.  And because I usually go to the same places I am actually getting to know people at these places.  I met a couple at the ale house one night and we had a ton of fun just talking and drinking.  I like when I show up at the ale house and they're there.  I feel a bit like Norm from cheers.  It's a nice little surprise.  They invited me to their daughters birthday party this month.

Then there are the Canadian guys that I run into once in a while.  They're always good for few laughs.  I go to a certain place for their open mic night (I LOVE live music!) and I hang out with one of the performers while he's NOT on stage.  We talk and enjoy music together.  I danced with a guy in his 70's the other night just because he asked.  Then we talked about Ireland.  (did I mention I'm going to Ireland this year?  I'll save it for another post!)  Who knows when the last time he danced with a "young" girl was.  Then there was that time I met a guy with a foot fetish who just wanted to rub my feet, right at the bar.  I know a lot of you are thinking "ewww, creeper!".  But we were talking and drinking and I was getting a foot massage.  Hello, what's wrong with that?

I talk to these people and learn their stories.  And there are a lot of stories out there!  A lot of these people are very interesting.  I like to learn about all the different situations that people live in and all the different reasons why they hang out at that bar.  It definitely puts the word "normal" into perspective for me.  I always thought my lifestyle was "normal".  But there's so many different meanings to that word for me now.  I like it.  And just fyi, for those of you who are absolutely horrified by this post, (with VERY FEW exceptions) I keep these relationships IN THE BAR!

But I also meet some crazies.  Honestly, usually it's the women that are the crazies though.  Crazy women in bars, for some reason, always want to talk to me.  But it's OK.  I'm almost positive I've been that crazy lady in a bar before.