Back to school

I know I say this every year, but I just can't believe another summer break is winding down.  Another school year starting.  Liam will be in 5th grade this year.  I remember when he was starting kindergarten thinking that he had so many years ahead of him in this big new school.  Now, he's a "5th grader".  No one above him.  He doesn't seem very excited for this school year.  I hope that changes once school starts.  He has changed so much this year.  His behavior constantly reminding me he isn't a little kid anymore.  I can't get away with half the stuff I used to with him.

Jill is heading into second grade.  I think she's more excited about her school wardrobe rather than actual school.  But Jill loves school.  I have no doubt she'll have a great year.  She'll be 8 yrs old (going on 15) in just 5 short weeks.

As usual, time is just flying by.  It never seems to slow down.  We've had a good summer.  Did a lot of fun stuff.  Have some fun stuff coming up.

I've been trying to meditate in an attempt to "reach my higher consciousness" and "get to know my true self".  Have you ever meditated (or tried to?)?  It's hard.  I don't think I'm doing it right.  But I will continue trying.  Deepak Chopra and Oprah are doing this free 21 day meditation challenge.  If you're interested, check it out:  https://chopracentermeditation.com/home/?acode=oprah&utm_source=20130724&utm_medium=OcomHPRR&utm_campaign=1

Liam quit football.  I can't say I'm 100% disappointed.  That league was seriously a full time commitment.  Over 12 hrs of practice a week.  Game days, parents were expected at the field for EVERY game of the league.  NOT just your  kids game.  Forced volunteering for parents at the concession stands for the ENTIRE game day.  Geez, Liam likes football, but come on now.  These kids and parents are all consumed with this.  Liam wasn't down with it.  And I would've stuck it out for him if he wanted to play but, honestly, I wasn't down with it either.  Joe and I gave our best speeches about "once you make a commitment you have to follow it through Liam", "you signed up for the team and they need you", "you can't just quit things in life because they're hard".  And on and on.  Not to mention how much money we (mostly Joe) invested in this league.  But not a word of it swayed him.  We let him know that ultimately it was his decision and we weren't going to force him to do something that he was not enjoying.  He decided he didn't want to play anymore and that was that.  I admire how Liam had the guts to stand up for himself to me and Joe and didn't just force himself to do something that he didn't want to do just to please us.  That kid's got some guts.  I told him that I "admire that he's living his life for himself, and not us".  He says he's willing to give football another chance in the future.  So I know he's not completely traumatized by the whole situation.  I think Joe and I made the right decision for his well being.  Parenting WIN!

Enjoy the rest of your summer everyone!

Hi, my name is Debbie and I'm an over reactor

It's true.  I've had to apologize many times for my over reacting tendencies.  At the time you are over reacting you feel very justified in your behavior.  I have an opinion and I'm going to express it dammit!  But afterwards, you're just like, you know, that wasn't the biggest deal ever.  Then you usually just feel like an idiot and knowing you have to apologize for being such an idiot is dreadful.

I got upset today over a slight misunderstanding about a woman that Joe has been spending time with, with the kids.  I got pissed off, called him up and demanded to know "who this woman was!?"  And "why is she acting XYZ with MY kids?!"  And she "needs to STOP doing XYZ with MY kids bc I don't like it!"  Well, that's what I meant to say at least.  The problem was, I called him right in the middle of my rage.  Which is a big no no for me.  I don't communicate well when I'm all raged up.  I was so bottled up and emotionally distraught that what actually came out of my mouth was just word vomit.  I didn't nearly get out my well practiced "speech" as well as I had it in my mind.  Ugh.  So now I just look like a lunatic.  Who the heck takes a lunatic seriously?

When my friend Lisa was going through her divorce she would say "ya know, people tell you what divorce is like, but no one TELLS you what divorce is like".  (yes, I am aware that Joe and I are not actually divorced, but we are basically living a divorced lifestyle) I totally get what she is saying.  Every single "new" step in the process is just reopening the wound.  The reason it hurts and we lash out is bc it hits us, literally, right in our insecurities and worst fears.  For me at least.  I felt extremely threatened at the thought of another woman in my kids' lives.

So, what, do you think this woman is BETTER than me?
You think she could take care of my kids BETTER than ME?
What if my kids like her better than me?
Is this the beginning of Joe completely abandoning us?

Logically, I know these things are not true.  But it doesn't change the fact that it feels like any one of them could be true.  And it is terrifying.  It literally feels like a punch in the gut.  Just another step in the process I guess...