Most of my friends know that I have developed a major crush on Justin Bieber over the last year. I know what you're saying to yourself "Deb, Justin Bieber? You can't be serious." I know, I know, I never expected this to happen either. I'm older than his mother for goodness sake! So let me tell you how this happened...
The year was 2015. He had just released a new single, Where Are U Now, and I fell in love with it. At first I was all, "This is Justin Bieber? No way this is Justin Bieber. This song is awesome!" But it was. So then he started doing A LOT of press to get back in the spotlight since he had an album coming out later in the year. I saw him on Carpool Karaoke with James Corden. And I was all, "Holy cow, Justin Bieber is, like, looking really grown up. And he's actually SUPER CUTE!" And not just an adorable face but I thought his personality was SUPER cute too. I KNOW,,, like, who knew? Now, JB's always been a good looking kid. I mean, I've never looked at him and said, damn that is one NON-good looking kid. But he was always just that, a KID. He was perpetually 14 yo in my mind.
Then, I checked out his Men's Health Magazine spread. And I was all, "OMG, is this for real? This is what Justin Bieber looks like now?" D.Y.I.N.G.... I mean, damn, he's looking good! And, I'm not even gonna lie... the TATTOOS!!! OMG, loving the tattoos!! I read the article and various other ones about him throughout the year. And I think I just really started connecting more on a personal level at this point. He talked a lot about how hard it is to be so super famous and how isolating it can be (I know, boo hoo!!). How he battles depression and ADHD. And, you know, just other stuff.
When him and Jimmy Fallon go head to head on different games to see who is better, it's hysterical!
So, by this point, he has more new music on the radio and I'm loving every song that comes out. Then, he does a sequel to the Carpool Karaoke with James Corden and it's ridiculously adorable. I've bought his latest album, totally got Jillian into it. Sing every word to every song. Follow him on Facebook. Love all his photos in his #mycalvins. Have watched his movies with Jill. Ugh, just full blown crush.
Where I used to find him immature and disrespectful and, quite honestly, just indifferent to him altogether, now I just find him a little awkward and goofy and funny and totally able to just laugh at himself and completely adorable. I KNOW. STOP. JUST STOP judging me right now.
But all this doesn't exactly explain how he is making me depressed. So, in time, I realized my crush on him is actually more than skin deep. Part of what I am totally crushing on is his actual LIFE. His YOUTH. The way he is living all his dreams and destiny. Doing whatever the hell he wants to do! I didn't exactly do that with my youth. And I think I'm just a little sad about it. I've never wanted to be famous or make tons of money. But I did have dreams and desires as a young person that I never pursued. I moved out of my parents house at a pretty young age and had to work to support myself from thereon out. To me, that was the most important thing. Living on my own and by my own rules. All my dreams and aspirations fell by the wayside when I just didn't have the time or the means to make them happen. I had to work. And there were so many distractions. And the time just went so fast. And I just never really got back on track. Now, don't get me wrong, I had a TON of fun in my youth. I partied a lot, traveled a little. Made life long friends. And I know, that is more than a lot of people can say they did with their youth. But now, in my 40's, I can't help but wonder how different my path would've been if I did all those things I WANTED to do. Not just what I NEEDED to do. And what exactly is my destiny? Am I currently living it? Or did I miss out on it? If I knew at 20 how I would feel at 40, I probably would've done it differently.
There are a lot of young people out there living their destiny right now so I'm not quite sure why I have equated all this to just Justin Bieber. OK, fine, I know. It's the tattoos. It's definitely the tattoos. And I'm not sorry about it!
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