An Update

It's raining.  It's 11:05.  Can't sleep.  As usual.  Been trying for over an hour now.  Not happening.

So my friend Andrea kindly informed me that I haven't been posting much lately about the situation between me and Joe by asking ever so kindly, "SO WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH YOU AND JOE?"

I haven't been posting much because nothing much has changed.  Or maybe I just feel like you guys are tired of hearing about our woes.  I mean writing about every little event that goes on with us is like beating a dead horse.  Joe and I lead very separate lives now.  A LOT of time spent apart.  A LOT of decisions being made without each other.  A LOT of bonds broken right now.  I know in the past I have shared A LOT of personal stuff about what was going on.  But, I have always tried to write about what was going on on MY end.  I don't feel it's my right to write about Joe's life and what HE is doing.  Not sure if there is much of a difference there but I hope you get it.

So, what's going on right now?  Well, Joe and I see each other almost everyday.  He brings the kids to summer camp everyday, I pick them up everyday.  We have been spending a lot more time as a family on the weekends.  When I have something to get off my chest I call him and we talk.  And I'm sure you guys don't want to hear about every little conversation we have.  We don't hate each other.  But I'm not sure we always like each other.  We even took a trip together as a family to visit his dad and sister over 4th of July weekend.  We both survived.  We celebrated his birthday as a family.  It was awesome.

From one day to the next I am conflicted.  I still have my freak out moments.  One day I am so sick of this whole situation and want it to be over.  The next I am so determined to get my family back together that I feel there is nothing I won't do to make that happen.  But I am only half of the equation.  And life must go on.

Everyday I struggle with the proverbial devil and angel on each shoulder.  Everyday I have to fight with them.  Both of them.  They're tough little buggers.  They're rather annoying.  And they definitely don't make my life very easy.  That damn angel is so self righteous.  She thinks she's ssssoooooooo much better than everyone else.  She thinks it's just ssssooooooo easy to take the high road and do "the right thing" in every situation.  HA!  And that damn devil is just so mean.  Seriously, Joe should be thanking the baby Jesus I don't listen to him more often.  I don't remember conversing with them much when I was 22.  I think each one of them gets the best of me sometimes.  As they do all of you, I'm sure, sometimes.  But everyday I try to make decisions that show self-respect and integrity for my marriage, which I still take very seriously.  Ain't gonna lie, it's not easy peeps.

To quote Forrest Gump, "and that's all I have to say about that".