Somebody that I never knew

There's this song on the radio called "Somebody That I Used to Know".  I remember first hearing it, thinking, WOW, this is so fitting to me and Joe.  (Now and then I think of when we were together... Told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company)  Two people that were once "in love" but now, nothing.  (You could be addicted to a certain kind of sadness...)  I remember when we first split how it just felt like more of a relief than a tragedy.  Finally, out of that unhappy situation.  But I was addicted to that unhappiness.  I just thought that's what you did for "the one you love".  But then the weeks went on and panic started to set in.  Holy shit, this is real.  My husband doesn't want to be with me anymore.  And how incredibly hurtful it was the way he ignored me when he moved out. (But you didn't have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and that we were nothing.  I don't even need your love but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough)  Like I was nobody.  Meant nothing at all.  (Now you're just somebody that I used to know...)

But as time still goes on, I actually feel like he's someone I never knew at all.  How could you spend so many years with the same person and not know them?  Who is this person that said he loved me?  Who is this person that looked me in my eyes and promised to be my husband and to be my partner in life?  Who is this person that just walked away so easily?  I have no idea.  I've come to realize that my own husband doesn't actually like me as a human being.  He may "love" me for nostalgic reasons but he doesn't actually like me.  And yes, that is actually a thing.  Loving someone, but not liking them as a human being.  It hurts.  I wonder for how long he lived like that.  How many years he had to "endure" living and being with me?  Now I wonder if I actually liked him.  Actually, I can remember periods of time when I didn't like him at all.  In hindsight, I can now see that that's why he was emotionally disconnected from me.  He didn't like me.  When you don't like someone you don't go out of your way to do nice things for them.  You don't try to communicate and make things better.  I wonder who didn't like who first?  Was each of us just reacting to the other ones dislike of each other?  Maybe.  It's probably a combination of 100 different things.  If it was mutual, why is it so painful?  I supposed we'll never know.