Sometimes, I don't want to be the nice one

Sometimes, I want to treat (some) people the way they treat me.  Rude and thoughtless.  But I don't.  I won't.  Because, ultimately, it's just not how I am.  I would actually have to go out of my way to act in a way that is rude and thoughtless.  And in the end, I don't feel good about it.  Even if you did it to me first.  Am I actually teaching anyone anything by being rude and thoughtless back?  Am I teaching my children that this is an appropriate way of treating people?  They probably acted that way in the first place because that's just how they are.  They didn't have to go out of their way to be rude and thoughtless.  It just comes naturally for them.  Probably.  Speaking hypothetically...

In no way am I trying to say that I am perfect and I treat people perfectly all the time.  Of course I don't.

Sometimes, I want to tell people, "Fuck you, YOU don't get to treat ME like that!"  And I suppose sometimes I do.  After all, I don't treat YOU like that.  Do I?

Sometimes, I don't want to be accommodating or understanding or helpful.  Sometimes, I want to be a raving bitch who only looks out for myself.  Because sometimes, that's how I feel inside.  And I suppose sometimes I am.  I want to be the one that is accommodated, understood and taken care of.

Sometimes, I don't want to let things roll off me.  Pretend like nothing bothers me.  Go ahead, treat me like an asshole, because I'll just get over it.  And life will go on as usual.  Sometimes, I want to make a big fucking deal out of things that hurt me.  Because I deserve to let you know that I don't like how you treat absolute fucking strangers nicer than you treat me.

Sometimes, I don't want to forgive you for your completely insensitive behavior.  Let you off the hook.  Believe your excuse of "well, I just didn't realize".  But in the end, I always do, because I know you're just not capable of anything else.