Uh oh, I feel a pity party coming on...

Guys, I've been through break ups before.  Albeit, they were a LONG time ago.  But this one seems so monumental.  So life altering.  And, in reality, it is.  I just can't seem to get past my feelings of "why is this happening to us?"  Oh, woe is me, I know.  I'm the only person in the world that's ever been dumped.  Sometimes I am so self-absorbed that I actually forget there are more horrible things going on in the world.  That other people have problems too.

There have been times through this separation where I have compared it to going through a death.  And in some ways it is.  The death of all the dreams I had of Joe and I raising our family together.  The death of my relationship with someone that I was positive would always have my back.  The death of my marriage vows that I took so seriously the day I got married.  Sometimes I wake up and "forget" the real situation I'm in, then it hits me like a ton of bricks.  Pity party starting in 3... 2... 1...

{pity party start}


Joe has other women in his life now.  He is forming relationships with other women.  Yes, I write women because it's plural.  4 weeks after he moved out of the home we built together he was already meeting other women.  How could he have moved on so quickly?  How could he be "there" so quickly?  How could he sit across from the table at dinner and look into the face of someone who is not me?  How could he lay in bed next to someone who doesn't smell like me?  How come love isn't enough in a relationship?  I thought he loved me?  How do you not fight for the one you love?  How could he dismiss me so easily?  These questions go through my mind just about everyday.  The thought of being with someone else right now seems like a million miles away to me.  And I'm walking those million miles with a broken foot and no water.

{pity party end}


I realize Joe and I are in two totally different positions.  He is the dumper, I am the dumpee.  It's always harder being the dumpee.  My ego feels left behind that he was able to be with other people so quickly and I am not.  But certainly, I'm not going to rush things just to save face.  But hey, if you guys have any single friends that would be interested in a slightly chunky, super flabby, dangerously close to 40 (OMG, when the heck did that happen?) semi-single mom of 2, send him my way!  Just kidding (sort of).  I've been enjoying being my own person in the world again.  Answering only to myself.  Eating dinner in front of the TV (major no no when the kids are home), walking around in my underwear (thank goodness for those new curtains in my bedroom) and taking a nap whenever I damn well please (although, I noticed that I am not napping nearly as much as I thought I would, weird.).  Maybe the single life ain't so bad after all...