It's official: I'm a basket case

~~Sigh~~

I'm driving to happy hour the other night and I'm just crying the whole way there.  So I force myself to hang out with these people that I have absolutely no interest in hanging out with.  (no offense to them, I just wasn't in the mood).  It's like I just want to burst into the place and start screaming "My marriage is falling apart people!  I don't want to hear about your stupid kid, your stupid wedding plans or your stupid trip to the farmers market!  This shit is so meaningless!  I don't care!  Nobody cares what I'm going through!"  In reality, these people don't even know what I'm going through.  But I'm just so mad that the world continues to spin while I am on the verge of divorce!  This is so terrible of me, I know.  I know.  I believe it's called misdirected hostility.  Because really I think it's Joe that I want to be screaming at "Don't you see what you're doing to me!?  Don't you even fucking care!?  Do you even miss me!?"  This is so terrible of me, I know.  I know.  I have two beers and say I have to leave.  I cry the whole drive home, bee line it for my room at 8:30 at night and cry myself to sleep.

At the John Mellencamp concert I just burst out crying right in the middle of Check It Out.  And it didn't stop for the rest of the concert.  People around me must've been like "OMG, this girl is a hot mess"  Of course, the couple RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME couldn't keep their hands off each other.  The guy is stroking her hair, they are longingly gazing into each other eyes, passionately making out right there in their seats in front of everyone.  It was to a point where I would find myself staring at them (I can't even imagine the face I must've had on) and completely distracted from the show.  But I wasn't crying because of their PDA's.  I mean, good for them, they're in love.  But really, why did they have to be sitting right in front of ME?  (and seriously, who pays like $100 for concert tickets when you could've just stayed in your bedroom playing some John Mellencamp CD's all night with your lover?  Dumbasses.)

I watch a movie or even a TV show and I'm crying.  I sit at work and write out these posts and I'm crying.  I think I have cried more in the last 7 weeks then I have in the last 7 years.  Really, I'm not a crier, under usual circumstances.  I feel like the only time I'm half way normal is when I'm around my kids.  They are really just the only thing that bring me happiness lately.

OMG, you guys must think that I'm just ready to jump off a bridge or something.  I'm not.  I know these posts are getting so depressing but really it helps me get this stuff out of my head and makes me feel so much better.  After I write a post, I could go for like 10 whole minutes without thinking about this entire situation.

Love you guys.  Thanks for taking the time to enter my world for a few minutes.